March and April have harried me enough the last three years (the exact three years that I’ve considered myself an entrepreneur la la la) that I’ve found myself thinking come Spring each year:
MAY! May is for dreaming.
I love this thought. May is my birthday month and my kid’s and Mothers Day, but it’s also this storied season of rebirth and renewal and something calls to me to rest and dream and dream and rest and generally say no more and get even more vigilant about the productivity = worthiness BS and refocus on what will actually bring me joy and ease, trusting that that’s of more use to the world than me saying yes to everything and becoming harried in the process. This is showing up work, too.
For me dreaming means:
Be in nature. There were these two butterflies yesterday dancing in a pair and my gentle thoughts of “aw, how lovely” were interrupted by a spikier resentful voice in my head that said “must be nice.” Haha good sign I need more nature, not less. And a sign I should query that resentment.
Resentment I have come to see in my (ehem) middle age is almost always a message from me to me that I haven’t been boundaried enough. So I present to you my favorite tool for saying “no” more often and advocating for my peace: WELCOME TO HOT DISAPPOINTMENT SPRING. It really helps me to remember that if I turn someone down, put off meeting, orient myself away from a constant state of service, I will inevitably disappoint people. And that tolerating disappointment is a service to me. It’s a practice; many of us are not socialized to be great at this. If saying “no” feels awful because you’ll disappoint someone, but a little mischievous part of you wants to try it more and maybe get better at being okay with disappointing people, think of me, think of this, think of a hand on your back. Let’s Hot Disappointment Spring together.
Reading books that feel like a hug. My current one: THE AMEN EFFECT by Sharon Brous. Am audiobooking it with tears on my cheeks. I had no idea when I started it that it would quite literally be about how to show up. More in a future post, once I’m done with it. But if you’re looking for something that feels uplifting because of the world rather than despite it, please pick it up and let’s have a chat about it. And not for nothin’: her brilliant storytelling is scruffy after scruffy. Also, if you haven’t yet, get thee to REST IS RESISTANCE. We cannot dream if we don’t take rest seriously. And HOW TO DO NOTHING, too.
Connecting in real life with real people. And/but curating who I spend time around ‘cuz vibe popes benefit from good vibes, too. (We all do.) Nothing I’ve ever posted has gotten more social hits than this gem from Carmen Mojica:
Spend time with animals and children. See: butterflies.
Dance, hike, vinyasa, swim. Less screens, more sweat.
Do new things I’m delightfully bad at. I taught myself guitar during the pandemic and it kept me present like nothing else. More recently: I’ve started doing drop-in basketball class on Friday mornings with parents in my neighborhood, and learning Spanish with a local mom who is joy incarnate (muuuy divertida). These are the silliest, lightest times in my week—something about not just fostering a beginners’ mindset but BEING a real and true beginner is freeing. It feels like full-body permission. My friend started keeping bees and got me involved with volunteering for a local nonprofit that helps kids find their voice. I’ve also really embraced being a soccer mom.
This is all conducive to dreaming: 3rd spaces and 3rd space behaviors that spice up who we think we are and literally how we think.
Getting quiet. Meditating. Breathing the good way (refer to Ch 1 of my book where I discovered “big decision breathing” and will never be the same). And journaling. I have a specific notebook that’s not for to-do’ing or venting but for creativity. For dreaming. For good lines I see or hear or think and teasing out a then what. It’s how this Substack began. The front of the notebook splashes Anaïs Nin’s line, “I must be a mermaid… I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” I know by now—after writing a whole damn book—that I can’t force creativity or whimsy or beauty. I have to beauty my way into beauty. The how matters intrinsically to the what. More get up and move, more on-purpose kind thoughts, more softness, and the ideas will spark. And the words will flow. Or not, and that’s good too.
May is for dreaming has historically been, these last few years, an odd-shaped, offbeat dance between practicing doing nothing/letting go of all expectations… AND dreaming up new things. This year, in order for the dance to feel more full-essence-enjoyed, I’m going for like 80% ease, 20% tease out new ideas. Let’s see how I do.
If any of this seems enticing to you, too, let me know.
As you can tell, none of it actually requires that you don’t work during this time or become a mythical person of leisure. Although a little more downtime helps. But it’s more a posture of dreamer.
It’s a decision to believe that less productive is the most productive thing you can do.
Or, leaving the p-word entirely out of it, that doing nothing is the biggest something there is.
Or, that your dreams matter.
Love and more of it,
Samara
PS. Next Zoom live-coaching group hang is MAY 17TH, 10a PT. Upgrade to join. There’s been a lovely influx of new folks the last few weeks, and I blow you kisses.
PPS. Thank you for all the birthday wishes!!
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to HOW TO SHOW UP with Samara Bay to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.