When we look out at faces we can’t read, the sheer number of them overwhelming our otherwise super-attuned feelers… it can feel pretty crapola.
It’s like the Still-Face Experiment: In the late 70’s moms were invited to bring their infants into a lab and told to lovingly interacted with them until a specific moment when they were supposed to look away and then look back with zero expression. A video captures the babies’ responses over the next few minutes and it’s predictably excruciating. From Psychology Today the moment is described like this:
The baby goes into overdrive to reengage her or his mother—doing all the things that previously have garnered attention—but no go; the mother’s face remains still. What you see on the video is heartbreaking:
When the infant realizes that while Mommy is there, she is also somehow gone, the baby begins to melt down. She looks away, she waves her arms in protest, slumps in the seat, and then begins to wail.
WE ARE THAT BABY.
Blank audience faces are a slippery slope to existential despair—I’ve written about this before, and my fave solutions for just such moments.
BUT there’s something else we can do in advance, that’s less mindset and more artfully researching your future audience for the greatest chance they’ll no longer feel like strangers once you’re in the room with them.
Am thinking about it this week because I have a speaking engagement coming up across the country with a group of folks I’ve never met before.
In an industry I know almost nothing about.
REAL ESTATE!
And I had an outline for my talk due Monday.
I had already asked the folks who hired me a bunch of questions about who becomes real estate agents with their agency and why, and a picture had begun to come into focus but as this outline deadline approached I was like… nope, not enough. The picture was still too blurry, by which I mean I didn’t really know what made my future audience members tick.
What they bone-deep need.
What I could offer that would be like oh thank frickin’ god.
They weren’t total strangers in my mind, but they weren’t yet friends.
So I reached out to a friend in real estate. Asked if she’d be okay with me asking her a few questions to help me prep. Went with phone call rather than Zoom so it’d feel the most casual and could get scheduled while she was on the go, and sat out in nature with notebook, for greatest likelihood of flow.
Offering this to you because prepping to speak is an art not a science, and that means we get to be creative. We MUST be creative. Who would be fun to talk to, to uncover the beating heart of my audience? What would be juicy to know? What are my options to research in a way that feels good for the soul and not just Google University? I’ve noticed sometimes impostor syndrome or decision paralysis pops up when I’m considering what to say to a new group—and I can misdiagnose it as a me-problem when really it’s an I-don’t-yet-know-enough-about-them problem.
But by now I know the signs.
Once I had her on the call I asked these sorts of questions — please use, jeuje for your own purposes, whatever’s helpful:
How did you become a real estate agent? What’s the origin story?
Does it suit you? What’s hard? What’s easy? What’s your favorite part?
How are you handling the new regulations… what’s new about the day to day for you? What’s surprising yay and surprising boo?
What do people misunderstand about real estate agents?
What kind of training did you opt into? What about your biz partner, friends in the industry? (Basically: what kind of support are you already getting in my area?)
What’s the bravest thing you do in your job?
Where do you want to grow?
Had a total AHA talking to her about what I could offer folks at this conference, that’s a perfect overlap between my favorite things to talk about and her biggest pain point (as they say). And she had been so generous up till that point I said—”can I pitch you on what I should maybe do with my time?” And when she geeked out about the idea, I said I’d offer it for her just us as a thank you, once I’ve prepped it later this fall.
I had a way shorter chat, literally less than 10 min, with another pal who said yes to sharing her real estate agent perspective, and when I ran it by her she was equally excited. So… now I do that slightly delulu but strategically gold thing where I decide I know my audience. They’re my friends. I see them. I love them.
Of course I won’t know them personally, and of course there will be diversity of thought and experience and need in the room. But I build out my presentation for the ones I do know, and trust (I mean as a practice, over and over) that the ones I don’t will be like oh thank frickin’ god.
Tell us how you’re already applying this, or will, my love.
Biggest hug,
Samara
PS. There’s one OTHER way to turn your audience into less-strangers… it’s asking them questions during your actual presentation. If you want help crafting good ones for your next gig, or want to run ANYTHING speaking-related by me…
Our next group Q&A is THIS WEEK! Thurs Sept 19th. 10am PT/1p ET! Open to everyone who’s an all- access member of .
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Come get your question answered or just spend some time in loving community—one of those corners of the internet that feels like a breath of air amidst all the crazy.