2 New Rules of Communication
AKA don't learn the wrong lessons from this moment
There are a few ripe lessons in how to show up from this last month’s politicking, and a few fake lessons we SHOULD NOT LEARN.
I agree entirely with writer and correspondent Akilah Hughes, who tells us in
“finally the correct take on why Kamala lost” which is — spoiler alert — that there’s nothing more she could have done.But I’m also intrigued by the hot takes that the election came down to communication because this is my jam and because it affects all of us. The story of how we show up. If Kamala had gone on Joe Rogan for 3 hours would it have made all the difference? If she’d talked more spontaneously and seemed less scripted? Would she have earned enough folks’ trust? See Akilah’s take above for the answer she and I share.
BUT.
There is something to this communication query because, as cultural critic
puts into historical context in his frickin’ fantastic piece this week called The 6 New Rules of Communication, “Western culture was built on one-way communication. Leaders and experts speak—and the rest of us listen.” In fact, he goes waaaaay back and charts that “Socrates was the last major thinker to rely solely on conversation. After his death, his successors wrote books and gave lectures. That’s what powerful people do. They make decisions. They give orders. They deliver speeches.“But,” he says, “not anymore.”
“In the aftermath of the election, the new wisdom is that giving speeches from a teleprompter doesn’t work in today’s culture. Citizens want their leaders to sit down and talk.”
And he offers the 6 new rules for any of us who want to be in those power positions and also (this is important) earn trust too:
Here are the six new rules of engagement—for politicians, broadcasters, and all aspiring experts, decision-makers, and leaders.
You gain more trust when seated, not standing.
Don’t speak at people—speak with them.
An informal tone is more persuasive now. Even leaders must adjust to this.
Conversations have more influence than speeches.
Spontaneous communications delivered from a personal standpoint are considered more ‘real’ than a script created by a team or speechwriter.
Soundbites and talking points are less impactful than storytelling, humor, and off-the-cuff comments.
For anyone who’s read my book, Permission to Speak, you know: I’ve been beating the big ol’ drum about this for a while now.
Talking like a person is the future.
Or, as I put it in in chapter 3:
“Cool, composed speeches are out, gone the way of stiff, early 20th century acting. Neutral delivery devoid of personal touch once seemed like the epitome of authoritative speech, but it now seems suspect. We in the audience yearn for something that rings true and feels urgent.
Cool, composed speakers don’t go viral.
Boring speeches don’t go viral.
We want to feel the blood pumping when our politicians and CEOs and heroes speak. We want to believe their words, and we call bullshit when we don’t.”
But the idea that in fact ALL speeches don’t work and we gotta sit and chat is ridiculous. Anyone catch one of Kamala’s rallies? Or Sen. Warnock at the DNC? Or Rep. Jasmine Crockett?
Hi. Teleprompters aren’t the problem; shitty reading off a teleprompter by speakers who haven’t embodied their words or done the work to justify why they’re giving a speech at all — that (I say lovingly) is the problem.
And frankly, so is assuming that a single style will work for everyone when we KNOW — in our bones — that one candidate was utterly careless with words and knew he could get away with literally anything, and one candidate has spent her entire career utterly careful with words, aware each second that any slip-up could have profound consequences. AND YET SHE STILL GAVE HERSELF PERMISSION AND PERMISSION TO SHOW UP HUMAN FYI SO LET’S LOVE ON THAT.
When our words mean nothing and do nothing we can say whatever the fuck over 3 hours and laugh it off after.
When we move through the world managing risks at every turn because of how we look and sound, and the biases those looks and sounds triggers in others, we do not have that luxury. But we bravely claim how we speak as OURS THANKS and we bravely remind ourselves that we are the new sound of power — that how we speak IS JUST RIGHT THANKS. Because this inner work changes how we show up.
So here are the 2 lessons of engagement I’ve got for you:
There is a tone between casual (which works sometimes!) and formal (which works almost never!). There’s a third way we just don’t have a word for in English — but we know it when we feel it. When what the speaker’s talking about matters, when you, the listener, feel the blood thrum from the oooh something’s happening of the moment. The energetic buzz. This high-vibe style of communication any of us can achieve — it’s often what I’m doing when I’m coaching someone prepping for a speech — and it offers our audience the sense that they’re held in an orb, that they’re OH MY GOD ALIVE, that they’re in the presence of something sacred and precious and real.
Good preachers get there all the time. Good podcast guests too:
Every clip of Simon Sinek or James Baldwin or Toni Morrison that floats around the interwebs, every version of Taylor at the Evermore piano, every comedian’s bits that work. When you’re speaking in a dialogue or on a stage (which should also feel like a dialogue, even if you’re the only one talking) the downshifting to casual for funsies or to connect is essential, and the upshifting to this high-vibe style of speech is essential too. ‘Cuz y’all: if nothing matters, nothing matters.
And we’re here to matter.
Your style is yours. How you sound around your favorite people when you’re caring out loud is the most instructive spot to dig in and unearth your unique speaking style. For more on caring out loud, read this.
But the most important part — the WE MUST CHANGE THE STORY AT SCALE AND NOW of it all — is that power can sound a whole lot of different ways. The rules on how to sound authoritative are ON THE MOVE. Perky. Serious. Messy. Clean. Playful. Quiet. Full of joy. As long as we’re doing number 1 above at least some of the time, while breathing and caring and giving ourselves permission and then doing it again, we’re showing up. And although it might not win you president of the United States, there’s a lot it will win you.
(PS Big shout out to national treasure
who writes this week, “As the final vote tallies are coming in, it turns out that [that fucking dude] did not win 50% of the vote, and CNN statistician Harry Enten notes that his margin comes in at 44th out of the 51 elections that have been held since 1824.” Maybe we don’t take communication lessons from him too seriously. Or, as put it, “America was in a rough spot, and she ran back to her toxic ex. That doesn’t mean we need to become more like him to win her back.”)In fact, Ted Gioia hints at this in his piece too:
Here’s the reality—rhetorical skills and speechmaking got degraded during the last decade. This top-down approach works best when it is rigorous, logical, and organized. But in an age of insults, taunts, and denunciations, speechifying starts to feels like browbeating—a never-ending harangue.
Too much of public discourse, in recent years, has boiled down to powerful people (sometimes of limited intellect) screaming into a microphone from a bully pulpit. That’s not what oratory should be, but it’s what it has become.
So the solution?
Rhetoric and speechifying won’t regain their influence until they get cleaned up. We need different leaders from the current crop before that will happen. Oratory won’t come back until genuine orators emerge as leaders.
That’s us.
And I think the word genuine there masquerades as a weapon. Don’t use it to bludgeon yourself like there’s some magical future orator with that fancy badge who is unlike you — when really, it’s an invitation. To you.
We need leaders whose oratory is intrinsically genuine.
Borne of our weird. Our care.
In 2000 Octavia Butler got asked the solution to a society sliding into fascism.
You can be one of them, if you choose to be.
Deciding, knowing FOR REALS and then reminding yourself when you slip and finding your community who reminds you too (hi, hello) that you are the new sound of power — a new sound of power — that’s one of those answers.
How do you show up when you believe that?
Love y’all, glad to be back in community with you.
Join the FINAL ZOOM HANG Q&A OF THE YEAR to look back on your year of showing up and dream about the next one with meeeee.
Friday, December 6th, 10am PT. Link coming for paid subscribers :)
Samara
I feel brave and bold like I'm in a gospel revival tent, shaking and dancing it up with the divine holy spirit of my own truth. Thank you!