Telling stories, or telling “your story,” that one big one that connects your life to your why, tends to bring shit up.
The full-body nerves of what if this is boring and I’ve totally misread the moment and no one cares?? meets the mind drama of what if I seem like an attention hoarder? In other words: what if I’m not enough… but also simultaneously too much?
I know. It seems silly when you read it, but here we are, too often living it.
Depriving the world of what we’re made of.
And depriving ourselves of the what’s-life-for-if-not tickle of connection.
There’s boatloads of resources out there on how to build good stories, and I live in a town that runs on the formula working. But the stories we tell standing alone on stages or sitting on panels, recount on podcasts, in pitches, in conversations, don’t need all that structural formality. The beginning-middle-and-end rigidity and the “dark night of the soul”-type plot points are TOTALLY FINE but they’re also TOTALLY NOT NECESSARY.
We are not all Luke Skywalker or Dorothy and fortunately we don’t need to be.
Novelist Kazuo Ishiguro won the Nobel for literature in 2017 and spoke about a pattern he’d noticed when casting back on the important turning points in his life:
“Often, they are small, scruffy moments. They are quiet, private sparks of revelation.”
Small and scruffy. Unruly puppy moments. A tiny aha in the shower. A line you read or a hit of wisdom you get from your friend or your therapist or a stranger or a song, that turns you sideways. A decision you make and how, an email you send that signifies a shift in how seriously you take yourself, a person you didn’t expect to see, an act of brilliant parenting, a bizarre misunderstanding and what it teaches you.
To tell your stories better you don’t need baroque curly-cues of detail or time-tested structural secrets or to get it right.
To tell your stories better you only need 2 things:
some radical self-love that we might call (ehem) “permission” to trust that real tales from your real life are not only not-boring but that PEOPLE NEED THEM.
some practicals on how to pull them out of you, past the booby traps and boulders in your mental path, plus some practicals on how to tell them so they come alive and you come alive.
We’ll get into the practicals this Friday over Zoom, and I’ll live coach those of you who want to turn a spark into a story with me (!!).
But for #1 I’ll say something here:
Stop and think about what it feels like to show up for a friend who’s going through it. How witnessing their pain inspires you to act. To think what have I got that could be of use? A hug, a cup of tea, a story about a parallel thing.
I’ve asked roomfuls of women in workshops: “Who here hates talking about themselves?” and all hands go up. But—BUT—most of us talk about ourselves fluently when we sense that there’s a clear outcome it’ll achieve. If sharing what we went through will put a friend’s tough day in perspective, ease their suffering, or help solve their problem, we do it. I bet you wouldn’t hesitate to mention your credentials if they were directly applicable: “I actually have a background in child psychology” or “I was a professional dancer” or “I’m certified in CPR.”
It’d feel ridiculous to hold back if someone were choking in front of you.
It isn’t bragging; it’s generosity.
It isn’t about you; it’s about them.
In my online parenting community, we save each other’s asses every day, whether it’s via threads about raising little humans or negotiating tricky career moves or insisting that our partners partner better. I go through weeks where I don’t initiate a post at all, I just offer. Reading and responding is a constant opportunity to flex this particular muscle: What have I got that could be of use?
Our stories are that too.
Do you believe it?
Join our workshop this Friday, and grab a copy of my book if you’re feeling this topic—the CPR bit above is scooped from the final chapter of Permission to Speak.
In the workshop I will:
tell the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson story ‘cuz we didn’t QUITE get to 100 folks responding to last week’s poll (which, despite being extremely unscientific was nonetheless highly illuminating!! More soon). But honestly: it’s better told in person anyway hahaha OMG you’re gonna be so amused. Did I mention it also involves Ryan Reynolds?
talk practicals on getting your stories out of you and telling them so the landdddd
break down one of the stories I’ve told 89,000 times on podcasts and stages, for HOW I ACTUALLY CONSTRUCTED IT AND WHY. Full behind-the-scenes.
Zoom info will go out an hour beforehand. Make sure you upgrade today to get it.
Love,
Samara
PS. Bonus! Pic of my unruly puppy! When she was dressed LIKE Dorothy 🤣
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